by Hannah Gittos

I'm about to get ready and head to the Hackney Showroom for our 2 day run in London. Very exited and nervous to be doing the show to a home crowd!

Having previously toured this show last year I thought I had an idea of the experience I was about to embark on. Yet, like most things in life, nothing ever turns out the way you imagine!

I've found this a difficult show to be involved with at times. I'm a single 36 year old woman with no children. Delving into the complexities of parenthood and the intricacies of the relationships that surround it has been fascinating, difficult and sometimes heart wrenching.

I wonder if I'll ever experience being a mother?

As I stand as Ronnie and watch the children's clothes come out in the final scene of the show the reality of never having children sometimes flashes before my eyes. I can't quite articulate at the moment how I feel about that.

When the five of us are behind stage in the pre-show waiting to begin there is a very distinctive energy amongst us all. I can best describe it as like being suspended at the top of a roller coaster before it plunges into the unknown. Sara and Ciaran need to talk, Royce and I can't speak and Laura floats somewhere in-between.

The audiences have been so diverse from captivated babies, teenagers, uni students, parents, grandparents, carers, friends who all seem to have been touched in some way by the story lines. It's really wonderful be part of something that can do that. It reminds me of why we do what we do.

After our first night at Hackney, I travel home with one of my best mates who came to see the show. She's an extraordinary women. She made the brave and selfless decision to foster her nephew when she was 6 months pregnant with her daughter. To say that she's experienced the raw reality of what parenting can be really is an understatement.

As we walk from the train she says to me;

"This is why I love the theatre. I felt a bit shit before I came out. I had a headache and really wasn't in the mood. Seeing that show has jolted me into a completely different head space. It's so important".

As the tour comes to an end, I'm realising how important and wonderful this tour has been for so many reasons. It has completed a personal and professional journey for me that started 3 years ago with the R and D for our previous show PUSH. I'm so very proud of everyone involved and thank Tangled Feet from the bottom of my heart for the opportunity.